I sometimes get a feeling that I am a member of the family but not counted as such. I am not complaining. But it is the way of the world. World tends to forget people who are away for long. Relations become more formal.
It’s like meeting a primary school friend. We would have played with him, nude :). But a distance would develop over time. We say "hi", badly lacking that surprise or curiosity to know, what happened to each other after we last met.
I no longer come in the list of people who are informed about important events. I am no longer a man to be bestowed some responsibility with.
I have grown up in a surrounding where everybody thought I am incompetent but good in studies guy. Every time I managed things it was a surprise, even finding an address in Bangalore. People went out looking for me, when I safely reached the address, thinking I was lost!
Feeling proud is to some extent, selfish. It’s more important to evaluate how attentive, useful and helpful we have been, to persons we feel proud about. Mercy should not accompany affection. Otherwise it will be difficult to identify if it was mercy or affection that prompted actions that look like caring. I am referring to all people who feel proud that their kid has been successful. Lots of people have gone away. Some just ignored other feelings. Some, like me are little more conscious.
Very less communication with the loved ones rather increases the chance of miscommunication, for a lot has to be interpreted form just what we convey in a moment, in trying to understand our feelings and standings. You guessed it right; I want the world to defer judgment. We are never what we seem to be. Neither are we what others want us to be.
You may dismiss it as an emotional outburst. But, it’s an experience and hence deserves no label. It does not feel good, you see. Away and when so for very long, we feel less part of things we are away from. So do things.
I am less part of everything I used to be a part, in that small world: my place, my people, and my world.